Little Flutters

The last few nights I have been feeling a fluttering sensation in my abdomen. The other night I really focused on what I was feeling and decided that my newest little one is letting me know that he is really in there. With Charlie, I didn't feel anything until it was very obvious that he was kicking. It felt like someone was moving their hand under my skin. Pretty hard to miss that. This time it is a much fainter sensation, but I am sure that it is the baby.

I have been looking forward to feeling this baby move because part of me is still in disbelief that I will have another child in a matter of months. I have far less time to daydream about this baby than I did with Charlie. As I mentioned in a previous post, it seems like the weeks are just flying by this time. I feel very pregnant, but I have yet to feel connected with my new baby. This has made me very sad, and I have felt pretty badly about it. In my head, I know that I will love this new baby as much as Charlie, but my heart questions how that is possible. Charlie is the center of our world, and Nick and I love him so much. I guess it is just hard to imagine that your heart can love another person as much.

Charlie has made our lives so wonderful. I dreamed about being a mommy as a little girl, and I always knew that it was going to be the most important role I would ever have in my life. Even though Nick probably did not daydream about parenthood like I did, he too knew that he wanted to be a dad. In fact, that was one to the reasons I fell in love with him. He has always been great with kids of all ages and we talked about having children very early on in our relationship. Starting our family has been our greatest accomplishment as a couple. Our love for Charlie has made both of us better people, and we cannot wait to feel out hearts swell with even more love as we welcome another child. Children are such a blessing, and we are grateful for the fact that we are soon to be the parents of two.

Sensing the baby move has made me feel the connection that I have longed for since finding out I was pregnant. I look forward to it getting stronger as the weeks pass, and I am getting so excited about seeing Baby Shaw during our 20 week ultrasound. We are pretty sure we have a name picked out, and I am really looking forward to calling the baby by name in a few weeks.

Because the sensations that I am feeling remind me of a butterfly, I am ending this post with an excerpt from one of Charlie's books that I adore. As soon as I felt the baby, I thought of these words:

Flit to Mama;

Fly sky-high.

Mama loves you,

Butterfly.