Quicksand

In all honesty, the above picture would be more accurate if there was a toddler kicking and screaming on the floor instead of a crying baby. But, this is the comic that was included in my weekly e-mail update from Baby Center today, and it is the picture that inspired the following rant from this haggard momma.

I love Charlie. In fact, I could just stare at him for hours and still want more. He is such a funny kid, and I laugh out loud at him at least a dozen times a day. Today, I laughed so hard at an expression that he made that it literally brought tears to my eyes. Not only is he funny, but he can be the sweetest, most loving, affectionate child. He always wants to be held and will often rest his head on my shoulder or pat my back tenderly when I pick him up. He worries about Jack when he is crying and will often tell him, "Momma's coming baby. Don't cry." I could not imagine Charlie being any different than his is. The following vent is not about Charlie as much as it is about me.

We've all heard about the terrible two's. Really, I think it should be called the terrible toddler years, but I think it's a little late to make that change. I digress. All toddlers go through the terrible twos - some are worse off than others. It all depends on a child's temperament. Some of my good friends only have to use a stern voice in order to get their kiddos back in line. They startle at the mere sound of "NO" coming from their mommies. Charlie, on the other hand, hears the word "NO" and does it anyway...usually with a smile on his face. I swore that I was not going to use the words "No" or "Stop" when disciplining my child. Instead, I was going to calmly redirect my child by explaining the correct action to take in any given situation. I also planned to use logical consequences for discipline. If you throw your food then you have to help pick it up. I thought I had the perfect discipline game plan for when Charlie hit the terrible two's.

I was wrong.

For goodness sake, I am an education major. I have a degree that indicates that I have learned how to discipline a child. I also have 6 year's teaching experience where I was able to keep peace and order in a room filled with 20+ children. So, why in the world can I not keep my own child from spitting, throwing, hitting, and screaming?

I try to be diplomatic with Charlie. I explain things to him calmly and give him choices, but I loose my patience when he continues to do something over and over. For example, we were playing blocks this morning, and he began to throw them. I told him that blocks are for building and if he threw them again they would have to be put away. As soon as I did this, he began to throw blocks at Jack - all the while looking me straight in the eyes. I then told him that we could not play blocks anymore because he chose not to listen. This resulted in Charlie then taking a handful of blocks and hurtling them at Jack and me. At this point I raised my voice and told him to stop.

I want to be consistent with Charlie, but the problem is that I don't know what to do consistently...time out, removal of toys, spanking, redirection, etc. He does not seem to learn from any of the techniques that we have tried. I have a stack of books on raising toddlers next to my bed, but I know what will happen when I read them. One will contradict the other, and I will be left in the same boat that I am in now. Like everything else with parenting, I know that I need to do what I feel is best for MY child. The only problem is that I have NO idea what that entails.

Nick thinks that I worry too much (okay, I'll give him that one), and Charlie will be fine. I, on the other hand, feel like we are running out of time. Charlie is smart, and if he figures out that he can call our bluff, we are sunk. Have you seen Super Nanny? I feel like I am in quicksand many days because I keep trying to get somewhere with Charlie and keep slipping further and further away from what I had hoped to be as a mommy. I feel like I am failing him some times, and it makes me so sad. Maybe Nick is right, and I am over thinking it. I just want to do the right thing for Charlie, and it's hard knowing that I have not figured out what that is yet.

If you have dealt with or are dealing with a tough toddler (ie: one who would hit you if they don't like what you are telling them), then I would love your advice. I am wide open to suggestions.